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WFMW – Airport traveling

April 4, 2007

WFMW

1. If you’re going to have to have a lay-over, make sure it’s at an airport that has a tram.  The kids LOVE riding it!

2. Make sure you put something over the “eye” of the automatic flusher because they NEVER work properly and causes great issues with little ones.

I know these tips from a hilarious experience I had at the Dallas airport last year:

Traveling by planes now days can be very frustrating and nerve wracking.  Taking 2 little ones with you is psychotic!!  What was I thinking?  Is this TRULY better than driving 10.5 hours by car with 2 little ones??  I was wondering by Dallas.

We had a 3 hour lay-over so I entertained the boys by riding the Tram over and over and over…  Once I had MORE than enough of that I told the boys, ‘Let’s all try going to the bathroom before we board the plane cause I’m not taking you to the bathroom once we’re in the air.’ 

So we dragged all our stuff and piled in a handicapped stall and proceeded to do our deed.  There was a matter of having a de-funct automatic flusher so someone had to have their hand over the ‘eye’ the whole time or someone experienced a badly aimed baday. 

Gremlin was the last to use it as he took the longest, when someone came into the stall next to us.

Now as most women know, the courtesies given in the woman’s bathrooms are MUCH different than what is allowed in most men’s bathrooms.  Women will either suffocate their toot-toots or wait until another toilet is flushed before they let loose.  Apparently men, just let loose and it’s barely acknowledged.

Back to our stall neighbor…she barely sat down before she let loose (perfectly worded) something that was UN-GOD-LY.  I can’t tell if she was obnoxiously gaseous with a few bullets or if she had a stinkin’ blowout but bottomline…it was loud and gross! 

Now…remember I have 2 little ones beside me and at first they just looked up at me with this look of horror.  I knew what was coming.  I grabbed them both by the arm and whispered in their ear (the whisper of death mind you), “Don’t say a word!”  Riiiiiiiight. 

Gremlin gave a quick snort, OldMan gave a longer snort….and they lost it.  They gawfawed with great gusto. 

OldMan practically yelled, “Gremlin!  Did you do that?!” 

“NO!  That lady under THERE did it!”

I prayed, God if you truly exist you will beam me out of this stall.

I finished them up as fast as I could and rushed them to the sink to wash their hands.  We were SO close to being done.  All I had left to do was dry their hands, but NOOOOO…we were still there when the ‘stall neighbor’ came out.

I heard the door open and was almost too horrorified to look, but I  just couldn’t NOT look!  I turned and about lost my uppers.  It was Fe*licia Ras*had!!!!  That’s right…Mrs. Cosby herself!!!  WE HEARD MRS. COSBY FART!!!!  She looked from the boys to me and with a smirk said, “Cute kids” and walked out.

Oh dear Jesus….take me now.

And no.  She didn’t wash her hands.

Head on over to Shannon’s for car traveling tips!

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5 comments

  1. I am SO laughing out loud on this one! That is something my kids would totally do and the fact that it was a famous person?!?! bwua-hahahahahaha.
    Think of the stories they’ll be able to tell when they get older!


  2. Oh…you have to be frickin kidding me! That is way too hillarious. I’m sure my little one will bless me with a similar situation someday. Great story!


  3. This is the funniest story I’ve heard in a LONG time – I could barely read it to my hubby because I was laughing so hard. Thanks!


  4. Awesome! As someone who’s done a LOT of airport traveling with small ones, I could so relate. But I’ve never met a famous person in such an intimate setting 😉 (here from Shannon’s)


  5. ok that was hilarious. i thought you were going to say she bent down to squeeze your babies cheeks with her UNwashed hands. OK that would NOT have been funny i spose huh? 🙂

    hilarious. ewwwwwwwwww she nastee!



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