Sam screwed up on ‘dem crazy nuts

May 10, 2007

There are some interesting people that live here in the Ozarks.  Some people call them hillbillies…other’s call them Rednecks.

I call them neighbors.  They’re my people.

In this town,  the northside is the poorer side and the southside is for the poshy, I-wear-too-much-glitter-cause-I-can type of people.  Everyone in the US and probably abroad have experienced the frustrations that you get at ANY WalMart.  Parked carts in the middle of the aisle, motorized carts being driven by people who should be shot, waiting in line for hours only to get behind the person that can’t decide if they want all the things the the checkout lady just rang up!, etc… That’s just the way it is.

So I get a big kick out of going to the different WalMarts that we have.  If you go to the southside WalMart, you get ran over and completely snobbed because the bright, glittery people are too good to bother with you.  On the northside, the hillbillies just don’t give a rat’s hey-hoo who you are or what you want.

I usually shop at the northside WalMart because…well, I’m a redneck at heart.  Yesterday I was there buying up the entire produce section (Gettin’ that fat off!!!).  Gremlin was such a good boy I told him I would get him anything he wanted so he picked out a bag of Sam’s Choice Asian snack mix. 

Weird kid, huh? 

Anyway…while checking out, our checkout lady started chatting with us.  I never realized how hard it could be to talk with only 3 teeth.  When she got to the Asian snack mix, she completely stopped what she was doing, held up the bag and with an eyebrow that rose to the roof asked, “You know wha dis hur thuff ith?  I’m dis thain cauth der are thum thuff in hur dat are nathty!  Dat Tham (Sam) go’ i all wong with thom kin’ o’ cwathy theed (seed) in dis thuff.  Naaaaaaathty!!!”

Now, that’s the kind of saleslady I would want for my store!

Poor lady…that there them seeds that are naaaaaaaasty are wasabi peas.  Maybe if she drowned it in moonshine it would taste better.



  1. Help I can’t stop laughing to type a comment!


  2. I’m hitting the jackpot today with reading funny posts! Thanks, I needed that!!!!

  3. OMG! I think I know her! LOL that was too funny.

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