Gloom, despair and agony on me!

September 21, 2007

I love Hee Haw.  I grew up cracking up laughing at that show…even those “weird” jokes that I really didn’t get, but my folks were laughing so hard that I just KNEW it had to be hilarious so I cracked a rib over it.  My favorite part was when the guys would get together and sing:

Gloom, despair and agony on me.
Deep dark depression, pain and misery….

Somehow, seeing a bunch of hillbillies singing that song is down right funny!  So as I tell you the strange things afoot in the Ozarks, I dedicate this to my fav hillbillies of all time.

So what is afoot you ask?

See this innocent little butterfly…


Well, he ain’t so innocent as he looks.  And yes, I call him, ‘Mr. Butterfly’ for a reason.  I’ve been working in the yard for 2 days….like a bit of a mad woman really.  And I don’t just mean mowing.  I mean, sharpening anything that should be sharp.  Cutting away anything that looks remotely dead.  Trimming up every bush within an 10 mile radius.  I feel like I’m having a bad case of nesting syndrome….I could drop a kid any day now!

Uh, Butterfly, right….so I was sitting on the ground with OldMan discussing the proper way I should sharpen my edger, when Mr. Butterfly decided to pay a visit.  We froze immediately, hoping of all hopes that he would land on one of us.  It took him FOREVER to decide who to land on but in the end I was the honored one.  He actually took a liking to my watch.  (“pretty-pretty, shiney-shiney”)  I got bored and went on sharpening the edger and that bugger wouldn’t leave!  All of a sudden, OldMan said, “Uh, mom?  I think he just peed on you.”  Sure as shootin, there was a tiny bit of cloudy pee on my watch.  Then Mr. Butterfly started jerking around a lot.  I started thinking, “Cloudy pee?  Oh crap…that’s not pee!”  Ewwwww!!!!  What a male thing to do to my watch!  So when it comes time for me to give OldMan the “talk”, it’s going to be about The Butterflies, the Birds, the Bees and the Watch.

You would think that being “inked” was bad enough, but when I say gloom, despair and agony on me…I mean it.  Check these photos out:


Now the pathetic reasons for those babies.  Picture 1 is from…well, I have absolutely no idea.  And it doesn’t hurt a bit!  But isn’t that an odd place for a bruise?!?  Picture 2 is of the back of my right leg-pit.  It’s there because I crossed my leg too long…basically.  I come from a family that couldn’t circulate their own blood to save their lives.  So when I put a crink in it….it lets me know how unhappy it is.  You can imagine what a pain in the butt THAT can be.

And lastly, my mum’s hair has finally all come out (save about 15 pieces of stub).  How has it all come out so quick?  My father has been putting packing tape on her head and ripping it off!!!  They’re such party animals.  Geez, parents are so embarrassing.  But it gets worse.  In honor of her beautifully slick head, she got dad to take a picture of her with a light bulb in her mouth.  Long lives Uncle Festor!!!  I want SO BAD to post this picture as it is probably the most funniest thing I have ever seen, but she won’t let me.  I believe her response was, “Is nothing sacred on your blog?!?!”  No, mum…it’s not.



  1. Madame Butterfly–

    Even mommies fixin to drop a baby at any minute aren’t out sharpening and hoeing and mowing down things. I’m guessing mmm…hang on…mmmmm (that’s me doing psychic noise) that you’re STRESSED OUT a tad?

    I feel for your mom, I remember that being a major issue for Jamee (who never lost all her hair, she cut it so short!).

    And finally–omgoodness talk about a blast from the past! I think Hee Haw is right up there with the Country Camper! I hated that show because I didn’t get it either! It frustrated the heck out of me! But….I’m glad you remember because I had completely forgotten Hee Haw.

    Hope your weekend is restful–try to stay out of black and gold when you’re outside. I hear the monarchs are migrating. xoxo

  2. As a kid, I spent a good many of my Sat. nights watching Hee Haw with my family. Good memories! :o)

    I was just wondering the other day about your Mom. I still have her in my prayers and you as well. It is good to hear that she still is able to find her laughter.

    And the nerve of that Butterfly, he didn’t even buy your watch dinner…lol!!!

  3. Oh my gosh, your parents sound like an absolute blast!!! I can definitely see where you get your great sense of humor from! As for the bruises, I can so relate – my husband will say “What’s that really nasty one from?” My response “I dunno”

  4. Hey Bruiser–they turn on on the Plaza on Thanksgiving–so I’d say early December is the time to be here. I sooo hope you can, it’ll make me smile. (and Cat too) xoxo

  5. […] In honor of my new shameless boyfriend. […]

  6. I grew up on Hee Haw too!! And your parents, that’s hilarious. Good for them, making fun out of a sad situation. I don’t blame her for not letting you post her picture though. 🙂

  7. you send it me

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