Archive for the ‘hee-hee’ Category

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Nothing to do with Christmas

December 21, 2007

I’m about to go harry-carry on Christmas…it’s time to wrap, bake, go to Wal-mart ONE LAST TIME, and count the days till Christmas. 

So until after Christmas (maybe) I want to leave you  with something that has ab-so-lut-ely nothing to do with Christmas…

 Did you know?…

1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.

2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

3. The smallest is the male sperm. (big things come from little packages…hee, hee)

4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three. (just another bone to break if you ask me!)

7. A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. (except for me because I’m a lady.. 🙂  )

8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. (and if you’ve had kids then you really don’t care because you just need to find a friggin’ toilet!

9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. (I’m assuming there’s no correlation to the acid you eat, lick or pop?)

10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica. (Unless you’re eating, licking or popping acid….again)

11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 

12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. (true meaning of Hair of the Dog??)

14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. (please note previous comment about being a lady)

16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (Meeooowww…..hubba!)

17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.  (I’ve got a few kidney stones that beg to differ!)

18. Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.

19. Then you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

20. Your thumb is the same length of your nose. (You’re checking this out right now, aren’t you?)

See, now you’ll have something to talk about around the dinner table this Christmas.  I’m sure everyone will want in on the whole smallest and largest cell debate!

Merry Christmas. ya’ll!!!

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Kids never listen!

November 27, 2007

 “How many times have I told you to stop jumping on the bed!”

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Funniest post ever!!

November 15, 2007

Hands down.

I got this in email form from my good friend Mrs. A.R. and after some research found the guy that wrote this.

I couldn’t get it to link to the actual post so scroll down just a tad to October 12th, put down any and all drinks, and grab a hanky.  You’re gonna be snortin’!

15 minute lunch

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Sing-Songy-Songs

September 8, 2007

Oo ee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla walla
Bing bang
Oo ee oo ah ah
Ting tang walla bang

 *************

Jenny Jenny Jo Jenny
Ja Jana Jana Jo Jana
Ja Jee Ji Jo Jana
Jenny!

**************

Do you know how hard it is to write those weird sounding songs out?!?!  I can’t say it slow or I mess it up, but if I say it fast I type it wrong so I end up saying it over and over and over….

Please somebody send me another song so I can get this out of my head!!!!

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Singing fantabulisticly

August 7, 2007

For some of you this post is going to be just plain weird.  Please bear with me as I get this out of my system:

I am not a song person.  I can sing.  I actually used to perform…and I was fantabulistic.  But just in case you were wondering, drinking radiation (iodine) does play with your vocal cords just a bit. 

I am NOT fantabulistic when it comes to words.  I stink at lyrics.  I usually can’t understand a thing that’s being sung!  All through the 80’s and 90’s I would just sing my pretty little head off to ALL the wrong words.  I didn’t realize how bad I was at it until I married J.  I don’t remember the song I was singing, but I do remember his reaction when I bellowed out the wrong words.  He doubled over and gaffawed whole heartedly at me.  I was not feeling fantabulistic.

But now…..I have found my people!!

Have ya’ll seen The Singing Bee?  It’s a fantabulistic show.  I don’t know what channel it’s on, but it’s on Monday nights.  There are mini-me’s all over that stage.  I’m actually shocked at how many words I do know compared to those people.  Then again I’m sure standing on a stage in front of thousands of people and not being able to carry a tune to save your life would play with your psyche!!

It’s really fun to watch.  Last night the guy who won was a professional fighter and he won by singing Mary Poppins!! 

They have these girls that dance to the music.  They’re called the Honey Bee’s, but there’s nothing sweet about those girls.  I think Mr. InSych, himself, went down the street to purchase those lovely “ladies”.  They are NOT fantabulistic.

There’s another singing show hosted by Wayne Brady.  Haven’t had a chance to see it yet.  But if you guys want a good laugh you need to see these shows…it is fantabulistic!!!

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WhiteWater and WhiteTrash

August 3, 2007

I’ve had this “deal” with Oldman and his hair.  He told me at the beginning of summer that he wanted to grow his hair out so he can surf.  Riiiiiight.  No big dealio to me.  God gave the boy the most beautiful, thick, straight hair I’ve ever seen and he looks GREAT in his little guy-shag.  Now days it’s been gettin’ a little too long and covering his eyes.  So the deal was, take him to White Water then I get to trim (heavy on the word trim) his hair.

Now I know that some of you are thinking, “Get?  Who’s in charge?”  My belief is battles are to be thought out and picked at precise moments.  I really don’t care so much on what he wants to do with his hair and how he dresses.  He is too Type A to look like a nerd.  It’s one area I feel comfortable letting him learn about decision making.

Thursday we finally made it to White Water.  We had a blast!  It was crowded but not too the point of obnoxiousness.  I was worried about walking around in my moo moo swimsuit, but MAN…let’s just say I didn’t have to worry about a thing (unless I wanted to compare myself with all the little 16 year olds)!

We stayed for several hours then piled back into the van to drive through BackYard Burgers then got on the highway to head back home.  Everyone was in high spirits, we were laughing and …….BANG…..  the fun was over.  Our brand new transmission decided to stop working with much gusto!  Thankfully we were able to coast to the off ramp next to a Visitor’s Bureau Center.  Thankfully my dad was home and able to come pick us up.  Thankfully it was only 98.9 degrees.  Thankfully….I guess that was it….no more thankfuls.

J was so mad that I think he actually could have picked that van up and chucked it across lanes.

Here’s what makes it so funny to me.  On Wednesday night, one of the pastors was speaking about opening your doors to minister to everyone, not just someone who is popular, well-off, etc.  He kept using this imaginary family as a point in his devotions.  This family has unruley kids, smells like they take their weekly bath in Fellow’s Lake (local lake) and drives this mini-van that’s beat up with wood panelling going down the side and should be impounded just by the look of it.  Do you see where this is going?  Yep, that van he is describing is our van.  It’s a hand-me-down and it’s free.  Out of all 1500 people that go to our church, I believe we are the only ones that have this kind of van.

J is speaking in a couple of weeks and I believe he’s going to start out by saying, “I just LOVE the days when I get to get up here on this platform and speak to ya’ll cause that means it’s bathing day at Fellows!”

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He *cracks* me up

July 20, 2007

We’ve all heard the lame joke about the guy who fell and got a crack in his booty, well…now Gremlin has crack issues.  Couple of weekends ago my family and I were at a picnic extraveganda at some friends house.  There were tons of missionaries…most of them I didn’t know.  The couple throwing this party of sorts does it every summer and tries to have something fun for the kids to do.  This year they had a kiddie pool, slip-n-slides, and other water fountain-type toys.  Apparently one of the couples didn’t know there would be water games and didn’t bring their little 2-yo girl’s swimming suit.  They proceeded to de-diaper her let her play in the pool a la natural.  I won’t even touch on the fact that there were tons of strangers (missionaries or not) and that she wasn’t potty-trained (!).

Gremlin was mesmerized!  Mum and I tried with everything in us to distract him from the girl, but no doing.  He just kept looking at the water, then looking back at her.  He was struggling.  Mind you he has just turned 4 and has no sisters.  All he’s been told is that girls parts are different than his.  One day I overheard Oldman telling him, “You know how the parts look on the babydolls at church?  Well, that’s what girls look like.”  So he thought we all looked like Baby Wets Alot.

I finally was able to pry him away from the kiddie pool, but not without a typical Gremlin conversation:

Gremlin: “What is wrong with her? Her private part is cracked.”

Me: “I told you that girls look different.  She doesn’t have your parts.”

Gremlin: “Is there a hole in there?”

Me: “Yeeesssssss……”

Gremlin (smirking): “It looks like my butt.”

And off he ran…leaving me in stitches.